hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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