OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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