So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
