I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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