Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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