i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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