I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I smell stomach acid.
this beer tastes like vomit already
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
