Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
