i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize