Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
