just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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