I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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