Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
