i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
