His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Acid is not a monday night drug
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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