She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize