It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
