When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
