That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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