I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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