wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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