bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
