i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
