Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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