i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
