OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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