Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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