I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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