Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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