Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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