I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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