I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
