Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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