I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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