$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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