your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
