im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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