dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
