why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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