Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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