Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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