I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
