I can tuck mytits in my pants
I met the friendliest cop last night
why do cheetos always look like penises
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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