it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
