You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
