Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize