you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
