If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
kristin has been a bad kristin
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
