I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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