piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
