Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
