she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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