Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
