I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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