You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Randomize
