And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
