Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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