you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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