yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
NoShamevember. You game?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
