you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
