i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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