Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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