I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
