Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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