Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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