An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
