i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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