he wants to bone in the snuggie
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
