I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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