Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize