i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
