I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
