Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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