i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
