This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
