...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
