The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It was like getting head from an anaconda
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
