remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
People in love make me want to vomit
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
