K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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