I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You know, be my cock's hype man.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize