My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
