walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
