I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
