Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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