You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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