I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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