so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
