we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
