before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
