she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
