Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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