The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
