Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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