Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This baby is an asshole
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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