i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
