Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
