Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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