I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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