Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
