After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
