Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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