You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize