What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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