we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
