The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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