He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Randomize
