i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
