I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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