two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
