I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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