Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
